Nine Steps to Forgiveness
(for a more complete explanation, see Dr. Fred
Luskin's website at Nine Steps to Forgiveness.
- Contact your beliefs and feelings about what happened and share them with people you trust.
- Commit to yourself that you will do whatever it takes to feel better.
- Realize that forgiving does not necessarily mean reconciling with the others or condoning what they did.
- Realize that the distress you feel is coming from your interpretation of what happened, not from the incident itself.
- Learn and practice a stress-management technique (yoga, breathing techniques, martial arts, meditation, etc.).
- Realize that you can control only your own thoughts and actions, not those of others.
- Turn your attention from your hurt feelings to finding a way to achieve your goals that does not involve changing the other person's behavior.
- Remembering that "a life well lived is the best revenge," realize that your negative response gives the other person power over you.
- Change your story so that it no longer dwells on victimhood, but focuses instead on your strengths: your ability to cope and to grow, and your heroic choice to forgive.
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